OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

Pretty cool, right? I think so. I mean, it’s OK, I guess. Just a blog. Y’know – words. On the screen. Grouped together to form sentences. With… Punctuation…

Wow. I take back what I said earlier – this isn’t pretty cool, oh, no-no. Screw that! This is AMAZE. This is BALLZ. This is…

AMAZEBALLZ.

And you’re reading these ballz of amaze right now because words + sentences = grammar. Thanks, English language. Can you help me learn Japanese, plz? ありがとうございます!

Speaking of Japanese, did you know that English isn’t Japanese and Japanese isn’t English. It’s true. I know this because I made a communication compromise to live here. Just one of the many compromises I’ve made since I’ve arrived. You smell that? I farted. Just kidding. That’s gross. I actually think I smell the topic of my blog this week. Hold on… *sniff-sniff* No, I think I did fart. Oops – my bad.

But, weirdly enough, my fart DOES kinda smell my topic for this week: compromise. Let’s get into it!

Now I chose the word “compromise” because I own a dictionary. OK, that’s a lie – I don’t own any books. But if I did own a book, I’d own Choose Your Own Adventure #37: War with the Evil Power Master. Duuuuude, that one was so good! Get this: You’re at war. OK? With a master. But not just any master. A MASTER of… POWER (shiiiiiiit). But, no, no – it doesn’t end there. A MASTER of POWER… Who is…

EVIL.

😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

Shit be crazy, yo! The worst part? I always died. Why can’t it be “Peace With the Cute Cuddly Corgi?” Because I’d CHOOSE the SHIT out of that adventure. Alas, I had to make a compromise and turn to page 57 only to discover the Power Master of EVIL shot me with his asshole ray gun to kill me YET AGAIN. Ugh. What a jerk. Sounds like a sacrifice, right? Nope. Because I CHOSE to get shot by an asshole ray gun, even if that choice kinda sorta sucks a lot of evil power ass. But that’s the gamble of reading a Choose Your Own Adventure book; you never know what may happen when you turn the page.

That’s my life here in Japan. I’ve had to make a lot of compromises to live here. Some good, some not-so-good. But I’ve cool with them all. Because I CHOSE to live here. I knew (somewhat) what I was getting into. So I just gotta keep turning my pages and hope I land on the one where I kick the MASTER of POWER EVIL in his AMAZE ballz. Or his shin; I’m not very flexible. Plus, the shin is FAR more insulting. Who kicks people in the shin? I do. And you’re (not) gonna like it. Unless you wear shin guards. Then I’m screwed. Please don’t do that. I don’t wanna start from the beginning.

But for the sake of completing this blog, I will. Let’s go over some of the compromises I’ve had to make since moving here:

アパート: I talked about this last week (SHAMELESS PLUG: CLICK ME TO READ LAST WEEK’S BLOG I’M TOTALLY NOT ANNOYING NOR OBNOXIOUS PLUS YOU SHOULD HAVE ALREADY READ LAST WEEK’S BLOG ANYWAYS DUH LOL OK BACK TO THE STORY), but my apartment is small. REALLY small. It’s certainly not big. If you said it was big, I’d laugh. Then I’d cry. Then laugh again. You’re funny when you say things that aren’t true. Tell me more! What’s that? It’s also cheap? Hold on. I’m still recovering from your previous statement. *deep breath*

So where were we? Ah, yes – my small apartment. Yep! It’s tiny.

• Positives:
  • Less crap to clean.
  • I live in an AWESOME neighborhood.
  • Lack of space keeps me from hoarding useless crap.
• Negatives:
  • ZERO cooking space.
  • Not guest-friendly.
  • Cant’t fit an elephant.

Compromise Score (Awful/Aight/Awesome): Awesome. Really can’t complain about my place. Yeah, I wish I had counter space to cook. But, honestly, that’s about it. I got a washer/dryer in my unit. I got my own A/C/heater. I love it.

Morning Smoothie: While I’ve managed to replicate my boring-ass steamed veggies without a problem here, I had to make some major compromises for my morning smoothie, which is to be expected. Hell, I used to source about 75% of the ingredients from my old job, so I knew right away that I wasn’t going to be able to use fancy crap like HOUSE-MADE pecan butter here in Japan. Boo-hoo, right? Lol!

• Positives:
  • Quicker to make (less ingredients).
  • Reason I can’t think of.
  • Corgis.
• Negatives: 
  • Not as nutritious.
  • No fresh fruit.
  • No kale.

Compromise Score (Awful/Aight/Awesome): Aight. At first, I was a little bummed my healthy-as-all-HELL smoothie got reduced to healthly-as-all-HECK. But, hey, it’s still better than eating cereal every morning (which I was still doing as an adult before I switched to the smoothie).

Air Mattress: To save money when I first moved here, I bought an air mattress. A Hello Kitty air mattress. Because if I’m going to sleep on AIR, I want to sleep on CUTE air. Too bad cute air isn’t cut out for a skinny-ass dude, because I somehow managed to cause a hole in the thing. Now it deflates in the middle of the night. HELLO CARPET.

• Positives:
  • It’s cute.
  • Did I say it was cute? Because it has Hello Kitty on it.
  • Doubles as a posture torture device.
• Negatives: 
  • Stupid hole.
  • Seriously – how did that even happen?
  • My inevitable chiropractor bill.

Compromise Score (Awful/Aight/Awesome): Awful. It was a good idea at first; saved money and got a decent night’s sleep (don’t forget, it’s cute!). Now it’s brutalizing my neck/back. Not fun. But I’ll have a REAL BED in a few days. Not as cute, though. Priorities.

Gymbo: Despite the fact I eat a STUPID amount of carbs at night, I’m actually a bit of a health freak. I eat the same boring-ass steamed veggies every day. I hardly eat any meat. I don’t smoke. I don’t drink. I don’t use black tar heroin. I don’t wrestle bears. I avoid falling into pools of piranhas. I don’t press the big red button that says “DON’T PUSH ME, GODDAMMIT!” Y’know, typical try-to-stay-alive tactics. This means going to the gymbo regularly. Now back home I went to the gymbo literally EVERY. SINGLE. DAY (not joking). Now I could do that here. But I quickly came to this conclusion: SCREWWWWWW THAT. It was easy for me to say that after I noticed the STUPID amount of weight I lost. So I sure as hell don’t need to do cardio 5 days a week anymore. That means I really just need to do weights 3 times a week and I’m good. So that’s what I do. But, like my apartment, my gym is also REALLY small. In fact, it’s so small, there’s some days where I’m LITERALLY the only person there. It’s kinda cool! MINE! EVERYTHING IS MINE! Cue super villain cackle.

• Positives:
  • 5 minutes from my place.
  • Never crowded.
  • Open 24/7.
• Negatives:
  • Limited equipment.
  • Can’t show my tattoos.
  • Missing a lot of my go-to machines.

Compromise Score (Awful/Aight/Awesome): Awesome. Sure, I’m not able to do the same workouts I did back home. And yeah, it’s missing a lot of the things I used to use regularly. But the fact it’s crazy close to my apartment and has ENOUGH of things I need makes this an awesome compromise. Plus, I get to watch Japanese TV. It’s rad.

分りません: You probably won’t understand what that means. How IRONIC! Because that LITERALLY is what it means: I DON’T UNDERSTAND. Don’t feel bad; I’ve lived here 6 months and I feel like I still don’t understand anything in Japanese except how to say to I don’t understand, because I TOTALLY understand how to tell people I TOTALLY don’t understand. Which, honestly, isn’t always easy, especially when dealing with situations where UNDERSTANDING is crucial. Like, uh, every situation here. Hmm… So basically it’s a miracle I’m still alive? Guess so! YAY FOR MIRACLES!

But seriously – it’s been really, really tough for me to accept the fact that it’s going to take me YEARS before I feel like I’m at a level where I can understand the majority of what is spoken to me. Don’t be me, people!

• Positives:
  • Can play the “Lol – stupid foreigner card.”
  • Practice my pointing and pantomiming skills.
  • Keeps me focused on my business
• Negatives:
  • I perpetuate the playing of the “stupid foreigner card.”
  • Prevents me from making friends.
  • I have NO IDEA what Stitch says in the Stitch Encounter attraction at Tokyo Disneyland.

Compromise Score (Awful/Aight/Awesome): Aight. As hard as it is, I know the reward of (eventually) learning the language will be as delicious as putting CHEESE on CURRY (the BEST!). So that’s why I’m cool with it right now. But I’m also SUPER frustrated I haven’t had time to study. Which leads me to my last compromise…

Time: Don’t have any of it. None! NO TIME. In fact, I’m finishing this blog in my office because I RAN OUT OF TIME writing it at my local Starbucks last week when I was KICKED OUT after it closed. But I’m so dedicated, I’m finishing it now. Yeah! DEDICATION. That’s a great word, because that notion really defines WHY I have no time: I’m SOOOO invested in my business and making sure I make my customers happy that I put my work SO FAR AHEAD of my personal needs. Which is totally what I need to be doing right now, so I’m not really complaining.

But, looking back, I’ve realized I made a REALLY big compromise with the line of work I chose. Back when I was at Facebook, I was traveling all over the world! It was rad. Because of the nature of my job, I could take off 2-3 weeks from work, still get paid, and not fall too far behind. Can I do that now? Why don’t you tell us, Darth Vader:

• Positives:
  • Always busy.
  • Perfect excuse to use the Darth Vader “NOOOOO!” gif.
  • Every moment here is meaningful.
• Negatives:
  • Can’t travel.
  • NO TIME OFF.
  • Constant reminders the prequel trilogy exist.

Compromise Score (Awful/Aight/Awesome): Aight. Yeah… So my world-traveling days are OVAH. Thankfully, I was able to visit (most) of the places I wanted to hit up before moving here, so it ain’t too bad. Honestly, I’m not too bummed I don’t have time for personal activities like watching movies or playing games. Screw that! I’m more bummed I don’t have time to STUDY JAPANESE. Something that’s incredibly important and crucial to my survival here. Good news? I’m been doing an AWESOME job of getting myself AHEAD of my orders. In fact, this is the first week where I’m literally turning around mailers in a DAY. So my HOPE is that I can continue this trend and use some of my free(ish) time to devote to studying. One day I’ll do a reverse Vader and scream, “YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”

Takeaway: Compromise comes with ANY major life change. Some are easier to deal with than others, but the key thing to keep in mind is letting go of the past and figuring out how to make your current situation work. And if your choices lead you to a deathly duel with a MASTER of EVIL power, start over and try again. Only this time, just cheat and turn to the page where the outcome involves your foot firmly planted in the shin and/or ballz of your obstacle.