Oh, hi! 👋🏼 Remember me? I’m the dude with a dream who left everything behind in America last year to move to Japan to sell cute crap to people. And here we are 1 year later: still not dead.

Yep, that’s right – I’ve successfully lived in Japan for 1 full calendar year. Wait, I have? Holy crap! No need to brag or anything, but where is my medal? Trophy? Pat on the back? Hell, I’ll take anything! Just kidding. I don’t need anything. At all. Well, except money. I need that. Actually, just send me money. Lots of it. Preferably in large bags ($ signs optional). Just kidding again. I’m fine. Really… Did I mention I have a Pateron account?

Continue reading →

OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

And I won’t be writing a blog next week. Yeppers. No more blogs after this week. Why? Um, duh! No one (besides you, of course) reads this crap. And I decided I want to make better use of my time, and that means spending my Fridays doing something more productive than blabbering nonsense to utter silence. Except for pins dropping. I drop so many pins. Ever heard a pin drop? SO. GODDAMN. LOUD.

Don’t worry, though – I got other creative endeavors in mind, some that will take up WAY MORE time than this. Well, if they ever come to fruition. Who needs free time (I do!)? Not me (I don’t?). But I do need more time to adapt to life here (that we can agree on!). In the short time I’ve been here, I’ve noticed myself slowly shedding some of my American sensibilities in favor of some Japanese ones. Let’s get into it!

Continue reading →

OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

Yeppers. That’s right – I just said, “yeppers.” Don’t know why. It just came out. Don’t judge! I bet you say stupid words, too. We all do. Like this: dudical. Yeppers, you read that right: DUDICAL. That’s my favorite made-up word. Combines my 2 favorite words: dude & radical. If you think I made that up now, you’re a bonafide butt burger. Yeppers, butt burger. Another one. What’s a butt burger? Uh, you, dork-a-saurus. Everyone knows a butt burger is a dork-a-saurus who’s dudically undudical. Thankfully, I’m dutifully dudical to the max-o-rama.

I’m also immaterialistic. Only recently, though. I’ve yapped about this in a previous blog. Remember that one? Of course you don’t! We’ve established your butt is a burger. And burger butts don’t remember blogs from several weeks ago. Especially ones written by me. But I remember. Spoiler alert: My business cured my materialistic addiction. And I’m realizing that’s left me feeling EMPTY. Yeppers. I’ll explain why. Let’s get into it!

Continue reading →

OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

Oh yeah. The words? They’re coming. You ready for this shit? Prepare yourself. Strap on your seatbelt. Put on your helmet. Turn off the oven. Delete your browser history. Hide yo kids, hide yo wife. Cue “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine),” ’cause here they come:

Words.

Wow. I mean, wow. Shit. Wow. Shit-wow, wow. Shit. Wow-shit, wow, shit, shit-wow, shit. Wow.

Totes.

So this week I was thinking about if I miss home. I mean, it’s been 6+ months since I moved to Japan. Surely, I miss it a little bit, right? Well, let’s find out.

Me: Michael, do you miss home?

Michael: I dunno, you ask me, me.

Me: I am, dumbass!

Michael: Oh! Lol. Ah, hell nah, dawg.

Me: Not even a little bit?

Michael: Nope. But I do conveniently miss 5 things.

Me: Wow! That’s just enough to write a blog.

Michael: A listicle, if you will.

Me: Words.

Michael: Wow.

Me: Shit.

Michael: Wow-shit, wow.

Me: Totes.

With that said, this week’s blog is gonna cover the 5 things I miss about ‘Murrica. Let’s get into it!

Continue reading →

OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

Yep, I’m back for the attack. Not a physical attack, though. Ouch! This isn’t an episode of Game of Thrones. I’m not going to slit your throat. Or chop off your head. Or force you to fight a bear. Actually, I may do that. But only a cute bear. Like this little guy.

Seriously – why are you so SCARED, BEAR? It’s just a baby lion. Calm the the hell down. Jesus.

I shouldn’t be talking, though, because at the beginning of every month, I AM THAT BEAR. New month? OMG!!!!!

Not joking. That’s the topic of my blog this week: the FEAR of FAILING every month. Let’s get into it!  Continue reading →

After the end of the season 3, this show can’t get worse, right? Oh, god – please don’t answer. Guess I’ll find out. Let’s get into it!  Continue reading →

OK, I’m back. Got how many more seasons of this show? Oh, I dunno. A lot apparently. How? But HOW? Guess I’ll find out. Let’s get into it…  Continue reading →

OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

Just barely, though – I almost didn’t write a blog this week. Not because I can’t put words on the screen; that’s easy! Just check this out:

WORDS. WORDS. WORDSSSSSS.

Yep, I just did that. You hear that? That’s the sound of me patting myself on the back. Why does it sound like a dog crying? Well, my neck hurts, OK? So this is rather painful for me. I really need to stop impressing myself. Ow. Ow. Ow. I wish I wasn’t so awesome. Ow. Ow. Ow. Hmm… I got an idea: Maybe I should stop. OMG! Great idea! I’m SO SMART. That deserves another… Oh, crap…. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Enough of that nonsense. So I didn’t know what to write about tonight. And I got limited time left here at Starbucks. Which means I gotta blabber about SOMETHING. Whoa! Another great point worthy of a… Uh-oh. Err, I mean, BAD IDEA. BAD! BAD! BAD!

Yes, bad idea. Speaking of bad ideas, I recently finished listening to the audio book (and later watching) Ready Player One, a book about a nerd who’s so goddamn good at referencing shit, he prolly has permanent hand prints from self-back-patting.

Originally, I thought I kinda enjoyed the book, but after listening to this awesome podcast about how much it sucks (and later seeing the movie), I’ve realized the book (and the author) is garbage, like the kind found in a pail, possibly one with a kid inside. See what I did there? I could have wrote that crap.

One of my biggest gripes with the book/movie is the lack of importance or resonance given to the references. He just lists random crap without any sort of significance or emotional impact. So I thought I’d talk about one my biggest ’80’s influences and my all-time favorite movie: The Goonies. Let’s get into it!

Continue reading →

OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

Yep, I write blogs now. I also recap episodes of Game of Thrones, too. But I don’t think anyone knows and/or reads those, because I’ve received ZERO feedback about them. But I’m still gonna do it. Because I’m addicted to SILENCE. And ISOLATION. And LONELINESS. Wait, is today opposite day? Lemme check. Checking… Checking… Checking… Ah, crap – looks like it’s just LOOK ALIKE DAY.

Wait… Does that mean I really am addicted to all those things? NOOOOOOO! FML.

I brought up SILENCE, ISOLATION, and LOENLINESS because it’s they’re all true (FML x 2!). And they also relate to the topic of my blog this week: work. More specifically, how work can isolate and consume you to the point where you write a blog every week about how no one reads the blog about how you write a blog every week. Whoa, meta… Let’s get into it!

Continue reading →