Nihon Nerd

OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

I’m still impressed. You probably aren’t. But you should be. Look… Words are on the screen! And you’re reading them. RIGHT NOW. How are you not COMPLETELY and UTTERLY impressed by this? Unless you actually are. If that’s the case, calm down, dude! It’s just words. Jesus.

But I will tell you something that IS impressive… My topic for this week’s blog: materialism. More specifically, how my business cured me of it. Let’s get into it…

First off, let me preface this by saying I love buying shit. Or crap. Crappy shit. Shitty crap. Don’t matter; I love flushing my money down the shit-crapper. I’ve always been this way, too. I grew up in the ’80’s. Hell, I watched cartoons created solely to SELL me toys. And it worked! I wanted all the toys. Even Bob the goon from ’89 Batman. ALL THE BOBS.

Wait… I take that back. Screw Bob the goon! And his power kick. NOT IMPRESSED. What I am impressed by? The WORDS in this blog. So many of them! Wow. If I had a quarter for every one, I could buy so many Bob’s! Then I could throw a POWER KICK PARTY. I bet that’d impress the Joker. Not Batman, though – nothing impresses him. Sorry, Bob. Keep on kicking (powerfully).

Back to buying… I’ve always liked it. No, LOVED it. The entire process, really: going to a store, looking at everything that’s available, and then eventually finding what I wanted and checking out. Some of my fondest memories as a kid were browsing the VIDEO GAME aisle at Toys ‘R Us. If you don’t remember this aisle back in the ’80’s/early ’90’s, basically, it was an ENDLESS wall of video game covers with slips below them. When you found the game you wanted, you took the slip to the VIDEO GAME GATEKEEPER in the back and he brought the game to you. I wanted to be that dude. Locked in a room with HUNDREDS of video games. OMG. That sounds incredible…

Because, well, it is. In fact, THAT’S MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. Y’see, I’ve become the GATEKEEPER, only instead of video games, I’m now the gatekeeper of KAWAII DISNEY MERCH. And here comes the irony bomb: This transformation has CURED me of ALL my material urges.

Yes, the guy who literally sends people cute crap every month is now the same guy who has ZERO desire to own any material items. Who the hell is this guy anyways? He sounds weird. Wait, what’s that? That guy is me? Oh. My bad. I guess I’m weird then. Lol!

Yes, yes – I am in fact weird. Because before I moved here to Japan, I was a bit of a hoarder/collector. I collected pins. I collected cereal boxes. I collected toys. I even collected completely useless crap like movie tickets. Because I never knew if I needed to remember if I saw Hot Tub Time Machine or not. Wait… Have I seen that movie? OH NO! NOW I’LL NEVER KNOW. AHHHHHH!

Looking back, it was such a waste. And I REALLY realized this when I prepared to get rid of all my junk to move here. Selling off all my crap was the WORST THING I’ve ever done. Ugh. But I did it. I literally sold, gave away and/or trashed almost EVERYTHING I owned. So when I moved here, I literally came with only TWO suitcases filled with all my material possessions. For a former hoarder, that’s beyond bonkers.

But man did it feel good. And it STILL feels good. That’s why I plan to stick to my newfound minimalist lifestyle. In fact, since I’ve been here, I’ve literally bought ONE purely material item (Carlton the Cat). Everything else has some sort of practical purpose. And I plan to keep it that way.

Because my business satisfies my material urges; I get to shop vicariously through my customers, thus I get all the same sensations and excitement of buying useless crap without the unnecessary clutter of owing said useless crap. Also helps I live in a STUPIDLY small apartment and have NEXT-TO-NO disposable income, so it’s not like I have much of a choice.

But regardless, I’ve lost all desire to own things. Even clothes. Back home in San Francisco, I probably owned 200+ shirts. Now I have about 50. And even that is too much, I think. I don’t plan on buying new clothes unless I absolutely need to. For instance, I noticed a hole in the crotch of my jeans today. Maybe I should replace those. Hmm… Nah. I’ll keep wearing them. That hole will create a nice, refreshing ball breeze in the summer. Have fun erasing that visual from your head.

Takeaway: If you have an unhealthy addiction, try to find a way to fuel it with something positive. Sure, not everyone can do I what I did, but don’t be afraid to change. It won’t happen unless you try. Remember: Life is a kick, so just (POWER) kick it!