Oh, hi! 👋🏼 Remember me? I’m the dude with a dream who left everything behind in America last year to move to Japan to sell cute crap to people. And here we are 1 year later: still not dead.


Yep, that’s right – I’ve successfully lived in Japan for 1 full calendar year. Wait, I have? Holy crap! No need to brag or anything, but where is my medal? Trophy? Pat on the back? Hell, I’ll take anything! Just kidding. I don’t need anything. At all. Well, except money. I need that. Actually, just send me money. Lots of it. Preferably in large bags ($ signs optional). Just kidding again. I’m fine. Really… Did I mention I have a Pateron account?

Shameless money begging aside (I also accept checks!), I figured I should write a quick blog recapping my first year (just kidding – who still writes checks?) as well as plug some of the old blogs I wrote (unless you write checks… If so, send away!).

Looking back, I still find it hard to believe it’s been a year. I mean, is time broken or something? Can that happen? If so, someone needs to fix that shit, yo. Because it feels like yesterday I came to Japan with literally 2 suitcases and a crazy idea to (hopefully) not get kicked out the country. Turns out, my idea was (and still is!) crazy. But crazy enough to… Actually work? Considering I’m still here, I guess the answer is “How?” Or “yes.” Either work.


A lot has happened in the year I’ve been here. I wrote about a lot of it on this blog. That no one read, of course. I don’t blame you guys. Reading words is exhausting. Did you finish this sentence? What about this one? Are you tired yet? Reading all these words sucks, man. I bet you’re wondering, “Geeze, is he ever going to stop?” Either that, or “I hope he doesn’t quiz me on this blog, because I have NO IDEA what he’s talking about… I’m just gonna leave this window open and check my Instagram… Oh, someone posted a baby picture! Again. How ’bout that?”

That’s right, folks – I know y’all hate reading crap. Especially my crap. But I’ll have you know my crap is good shit, OK? That’s why I figured instead of writing an entirely new blog, I’d use this space to recap my 1 year anniversary highlights via past blogs. Here’s some of things you (may have definitley) missed:

There’s more, of course! But we’ve already been over your inability to read. Have you seen that new baby picture your friend posted yet? It’s a good one. It’s a fucking baby. Can you believe it? Better like that shit pronto. Your friend will know if you don’t. She’s checking. Trust me. What are you waiting for? DOUBLE-TAP THAT BABY. Leave a comment, too. I recommend: “Lol! It’s a baby.” Or “Please post another picture of your baby tomorrow, because if you don’t, I may forget you have a baby, and I’d hate for that to happen, because the last thing I want in this world is to forget you went to the bone zone, got preggos, and popped out a living monster for us to all see in case we forgot what procreation looks like.” The first one is a wee bit pithier, but it’s totally up to you.


In the meantime, I will say it does feel totally surreal to actually say, yes, I survived a full year in Japan. I won’t get into all the specifics. Because there’s too much to write. But I will say this: I am so happy I took a bet on myself.

However, I don’t wanna sugarcoat my experience either. Here’s a dash of bitter: My life isn’t perfect. Here’s a sampling of things that suck:

  • Japanese is HARD. And I suck at it. But I’m studying every day and meeting with a tutor every week. I don’t expect to be good this year. Nor next. But I will continue (sucking) nonetheless.
  • I’m getting old. I’m losing my hair. Gray hairs are invading my bread. I feel ugly as fuck. But I still go to the gymbo and will continue to keep my body in shape. Someone’s gotta lug 60+ lbs of merch every week. And that someone is this ugly mofo.
  • I’m stupid lonely. I miss friends. I miss conversations. I miss being around people. I’m terrified I’m going to die alone. But I’m trying to be more outgoing. Is that what they call people who have lives?
  • I’m overworked and have no free time. My job is the one thing that keeps me going. Because without my job, I have nothing. That means I devote 100% of my time to it. And while it’s rewarding, I’m overworking myself and I desperately need a break. But my hard work will (hopefully) pay off when I’m at a point when I can hire help.

See, Japan didn’t solve all my problems. But y’know what it did? It introduced new problems. Better problems. Because instead of treading in complacency, I’m now drowning in my dreams. Perfect for me, because I hate water and suck at swimming. Wait, wha?

Sure, it sometimes feel like I won’t reach the top. But I know if I can somehow make it work… If I can live here another year… And another year after that… Truly make Japan my home… Then I can say with 100% confidence:

How the hell did I make this work?

Thanks for reading.


Now a little parting PSA: Don’t give up on your dreams. I am (living!) proof you can do anything. Well, almost anything. Don’t try to fly (you can’t!). Or wrestle a bear (you’ll lose). But if your dream is to pet a corgi (saves some for me!), or send me money (aww, you shouldn’t (but really should) have!), then go ahead!

Seriously, though – believe in yourself. Even if the odds are against you. Don’t let fear nor uncertainty stop you. There was a 4,815,162,342 reasons why I should have failed (trust me – I counted!), yet here I am. Still alive. Living in a foreign country. Sending cute crap to people around the world. Putting smiles on people’s faces. And one on my own. Now it’s your turn. Go do something good.

Here’s to another year!