OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

At this point, I should just accept the fact that I’m going to write a new blog every week. But once I do that, I just KNOW going to miss a week. So, to keep that from happening, I’m going to stay impressed with my ability to blabber bullshit every week. And I do that by screaming. Lots of screaming. So let’s get that out of the way, shall we?

OMGGGGG!!!

WORDS!!

ON THE SCREEN!!!

THEY JUST KEEP COMING!!!!

WILL IT EVER STOP?

RETHETOICAL QUESTION FAIL!

Ah… All better. Speaking of staying impressed, I also find it impressive that I’m not dead yet. Or living in a Shibuya gutter. Because, at the time of this writing, it’s my 6 month anniversary living here in Japan. To celebrate, I figured I’d reflect on my time here so far and where I see myself 6 months from now (hopefully not dead nor in a gutter!). Let’s get into it!  Continue reading →

OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

And no one is reading it. Lol! It’s only funny because it’s true. Why do I even do this every week? I ask that question every Friday when I try to think about what I’m going to blabber about. And my answer is always this: “Corgis.” That’s my answer for everything. What should I do today? Corgis. How do balloons float? Corgis. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, can anyone hear you fart? Corgis. You can’t tell me corgis doesn’t answer all those questions sufficiently. And even if you can, I’ll respond back with this: “CARBBBBSSSSS!” Second best answer to any question. Corgi carbs? I can’t even. Only I can. And it involves a bucket of drool and perma heart-shaped eyes. And a one-way ticket to heaven. TAKE ME THERE!

Not until they install an elevator, though; ain’t nobody got time to climb those long-ass stairs. Until then, I’ll continue to yap to an empty void. Hello, no one! Nice to not hear from you. Speaking of hearing, the topic of my blog this week is listening. In particular, my insane dedication to listening to customer requests. Let’s get into it!

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OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

I’m still impressed. You probably aren’t. But you should be. Look… Words are on the screen! And you’re reading them. RIGHT NOW. How are you not COMPLETELY and UTTERLY impressed by this? Unless you actually are. If that’s the case, calm down, dude! It’s just words. Jesus.

But I will tell you something that IS impressive… My topic for this week’s blog: materialism. More specifically, how my business cured me of it. Let’s get into it… Continue reading →

OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

I told you I was going to write that every week. Because if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s… It’s… Wait… I’m good at something? Wow! I’m impressed with myself. Good job, me! (Thanks, me.) I am awesome. (No, me – WE ARE AWESOME.) YES WE ARE! (SO AWESOME!) YES! (YES!) YES! (YES!) Wait… What are we good at? (I dunno, you tell me.) NO, YOU TELL ME! (YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH, ME!) GO TO HELL! (MEET YOU THERE!)

Wait… What the hell are WE talking about? Oh yeah! I (we’re) good at consistency. Also, eating food. If there was an olympic sport for eating food, I’d probably get 9th place or something. Maybe 10th – who knows! All I’m saying is I’d make the team. I’m not cocky, OK? Jesus. I’m confident! There’s a difference. I’m also good at eating food on the cheap, the topic of this blog. Because, I’m not sure if you know this or not (you better know it!), but I’m making next-to-nothing to live my dream of making next-to-nothing in a place where I can only communicate with 5% of the population. I HOPE I NEVER WAKE UP! But I do hope I make money. God, yes! SHOW ME THE MONIES! Then gimme said monies. Actually, let’s skip the showing and cut to GIVING! GIMME! GIMME! GIMME!

But until I get the monies, I have to stick to a SUPER STRICT daily meal budget of ¥1,000 (little under $10). How do I do it? WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO KNOW! Wait… You would like to know? Oh, OK then! Let’s get into it…

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OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

See? It never gets old. For me, at least. I’m sure it’ll get old for you. But, then again, if you read my daily ¥1000 Meals a Day posts, then you must be immune to redundancy. Congratulations! You should put that on your resume. Right next to “Hire me… Or else!” That’s a good way to show an employer you REALLY want the job. Because, if you don’t get it, what are you gonna do? Huh? Who wants to take that risk? I sure as hell don’t. I don’t trust you. You’re hired!

Speaking of trust, I never trust myself to write a new blog post, yet here I am. On a day when I don’t feel like writing either. Trooper, I am. Talk like Yoda, I do. Fun times, totes!

This week I’m gonna ramble about bubbles. Not to be confused with balloons. Balloons suck ass! STOP FLOATING! We get it; you can’t fall to the ground. Big whoop! You know what can’t float? BUBBLES! That’s right. Bubbles… Can float? SON OF A BITCH!

Whatever. I’m talking about figurative bubbles anyways. And how I put myself in one when I moved here by completely disconnecting myself from social media, real media, and just about everyone else. For realz. Let’s get into it…

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OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

I think I’m going to write that every week from now on. Because, no joke, everything week I’m GENUINELY impressed I’m actually doing this. Hell, I ALMOST broke the streak this week. But I wasn’t going to let that happen. Nep. THE STREAK MUST CONTINUE. Even though I only have 20 minutes left to write this at my local Starbucks (it’s 11:40pm right now). NO PRESSURE!

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Whoa… I’m actually doing it! I’m ACTUALLY doing it. I’m doing it, actually! Actually, doing it, I am. Am I doing it, actually? Yes, doing it actually, I am! I’m WRITING MY THIRD CONSECUTIVE BLOG POST. Crazy. Who’s impressed? …. I said, “Who’s impressed?” …. Anyone? …. Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

Y’know what’s weird about that “Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?” line? Why the HELL does Ben Stein ask so many times? Uh, jackass – HE’S NOT THERE! STOP ASKING! Totally RUINED the movie for me. Never watching it again. You hear that, STEIN? STEIN? STEIN?

Oh, was I supposed to be writing a blog or something? Oops! My bad! 😅
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Look at me! Writing another blog entry. I’m so proud of myself. I don’t even know how I have the energy to do this (hint: I don’t). But I’m doing it anyways. TAKE THAT TIREDNESS! You can’t beat me. Unless I’m on the subway. Then you win. EVERY. TIME. Seriously! It doesn’t matter what time of day it is. Morning. Afternoon. Mid-morning. Mid-afternoon-morning. Afternoon-mid-morning-sorta-evening-but-not-really. Night. Late night. Not-too-late-but-still-late night. Really-late-night-so-it’s-practically-morning-but-still-considered-night-night-morning. DOESN’T MATTER! Every time I dose off. It’s inevitable. Thank god I’m the LAST stop on my subway line! Because I know one day I’m totally gonna pass out and get kicked off. And when that day happens, I will wake up, clench my fist, raise it high in the air, and scream, “DAMN YOU, TIRENDESSSSS!!!“

But I figured I’m going to try (keyword: TRY) to write a new blog entry every Friday night after I get my weekly treats: チーズ　カレー  + matcha green tea latte at my local Starbucks inside Tsutaya Books. I love this spot because it’s the PERFECT place to people watch. One of my favorite things to do. Alone. Yes, alone. How fitting! The topic of my blog tonight. How ’bout that. It’s like I planned that or something. Gosh, I’m smart…

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I like anniversaries. Because I like celebrating things. Cake? IN MY FACE. Streamers? CLEAN THAT SHIT UP! Balloons? HOW DO THEY STAY IN THE AIR? That’s how I feel about celebrating. And, seriously, how do balloons stay up in the air? That shit makes no sense. Stop floating, balloons! We get it. You’re magical. Who cares? I always think this when I’m at Disney. WHY BUY A BALLOON? You hold on to it. It floats. Cool. NOW WHAT? It does NOTHING. Except float… Magically (HOW?!?). Ugh. Balloons…

Back on topic: ANNIVERSARIES. So get this: 1 year ago, ON THIS DAY, I came with the idea to do something COMPLETELY INSANE (to a logical person): quit my job at Facebook and move to Japan to start my own business. OMGGGGG!

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