OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

Just barely, though – I almost didn’t write a blog this week. Not because I can’t put words on the screen; that’s easy! Just check this out:

WORDS. WORDS. WORDSSSSSS.

Yep, I just did that. You hear that? That’s the sound of me patting myself on the back. Why does it sound like a dog crying? Well, my neck hurts, OK? So this is rather painful for me. I really need to stop impressing myself. Ow. Ow. Ow. I wish I wasn’t so awesome. Ow. Ow. Ow. Hmm… I got an idea: Maybe I should stop. OMG! Great idea! I’m SO SMART. That deserves another… Oh, crap…. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Enough of that nonsense. So I didn’t know what to write about tonight. And I got limited time left here at Starbucks. Which means I gotta blabber about SOMETHING. Whoa! Another great point worthy of a… Uh-oh. Err, I mean, BAD IDEA. BAD! BAD! BAD!

Yes, bad idea. Speaking of bad ideas, I recently finished listening to the audio book (and later watching) Ready Player One, a book about a nerd who’s so goddamn good at referencing shit, he prolly has permanent hand prints from self-back-patting.

Originally, I thought I kinda enjoyed the book, but after listening to this awesome podcast about how much it sucks (and later seeing the movie), I’ve realized the book (and the author) is garbage, like the kind found in a pail, possibly one with a kid inside. See what I did there? I could have wrote that crap.

One of my biggest gripes with the book/movie is the lack of importance or resonance given to the references. He just lists random crap without any sort of significance or emotional impact. So I thought I’d talk about one my biggest ’80’s influences and my all-time favorite movie: The Goonies. Let’s get into it!

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OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

Yep, I write blogs now. I also recap episodes of Game of Thrones, too. But I don’t think anyone knows and/or reads those, because I’ve received ZERO feedback about them. But I’m still gonna do it. Because I’m addicted to SILENCE. And ISOLATION. And LONELINESS. Wait, is today opposite day? Lemme check. Checking… Checking… Checking… Ah, crap – looks like it’s just LOOK ALIKE DAY.

Wait… Does that mean I really am addicted to all those things? NOOOOOOO! FML.

I brought up SILENCE, ISOLATION, and LOENLINESS because it’s they’re all true (FML x 2!). And they also relate to the topic of my blog this week: work. More specifically, how work can isolate and consume you to the point where you write a blog every week about how no one reads the blog about how you write a blog every week. Whoa, meta… Let’s get into it!

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OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

Here we go. I feel like I’m in the groove. Like a groove in a record? Is that where that phrase comes from? I dunno. Lemme ask my friend Google. Hey, Google – WHAT THE HELL DOES IN THE GROOVE MEAN?

Apparently it means to “perform well.” Uh, duh! I knew that. I’m not stupid; I’m just an idiot. An idiot who is in a groove (possibly from a record?). So, basically, I perform well at idiocy. Yep, that sounds accurate. Like, dude, get this – the sound of a groove from a… RECORD. See! LOOK WHAT I’M DOING HERE! I’m tying things together like a pair of shoes that don’t have velcro, because if they had velcro, you’d prolly use the velcro, unless they were slip-ons, because those don’t have laces either, which would totally ruin my analogy, so, let’s just make this easy and say the figurate shoes I’m referring to are not slip-ons nor have velcro, but have TONS of laces that need so much goddamn tying it’d take at least 5-10 minutes to tie them all, not to say it would take you that long to tie laces on these shoes-that-don’t-exist because maybe you’re a goddamn prodigy at tying things, and if that’s the case, wow, good for you, no need to brag about it or anything, we get it, you’re REALLY good at tying laces, why don’t you go tie yourself a bow and wear that on your head to show the world how good you are at tying while us morons duct tape are shoes to our feet because we’re not as refined and skilled as you, you goddamn showoff.  See, I told you I’m not stupid! Idiot? The grooviest.

Speaking of grooves, whether from records or not, my blog this week deals with dancing. Yes, dancing. And how 2 Japanese pro-wrestlers inspired me to DANCE like a mofo when I’m walking around in public. Let’s get into it!

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OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

I hope this isn’t shocking to you. Me writing another blog. If it is, listen – I’m sorry. I can’t help it. I like to write words. A lot of words. Look at all these words. Words. Words. Words. You see that last word? Dude. What a word! WORD! And, here you are, reading them. Whoa! That’s cool. For me, at least. It may be a lot of work for you. Reading. All. These. Words. Do you want me to go slower?

TYPE.

EACH.

WORD.

ON.

A.

SEPARATE.

LINE.

OH.

MY.

GOD.

THIS.

ISN’T.

ANNOYING.

JUST KIDDING.

IT.

IS.

OH.

GOD.

WHY.

AM.

I.

NOT.

STOPPING?

Good question! I ask myself all the good ones, don’t I? Another good one! Thanks? You’re… Welcome? Am I? Yes? Yes! Yes. Because I’m so good at asking myself questions, I’m going to make that the theme of this blog.

Y’see, as I write this, it’s the THREE YEAR anniversary of my FIRST trip to Japan. Left America on April 3, 2015 and arrived in Japan on April 4. Today, the day I’m writing this, is April 6. Like, whoa. This is a pretty big deal because my first trip to Japan is the reason why I’m here now. So I couldn’t be here now if I wasn’t here then. Are you following? Because I was here then, I’m here now. If I wasn’t here now, then I wouldn’t be here then. No? Wait. Um… If I wasn’t here then and I’m not here now, does that mean… I DON’T EXIST?!?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

But I’m here now, so it’s all good.

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

Now that we’ve established I was here then and now, I’m going to interview myself about my first trip to Japan and how it influenced me to move here 3 years later. Let’s get into it!

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OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

Big whoop, right? Or should it be a small whoop? Is writing a blog every week worthy of a large-sized whoop? I’m not even sure. I mean, technically how big is a “big whoop” anyways? I need some context here. Now I’m worried about my whoop; HOW BIG AND/OR SMALL SHOULD IT BE? Oh, god – WHAT HAVE I DONE! Now I got WHOOP ANXIETY. This is horrible. OK, how about this: me writing another blog is a whoop of an undetermined size? If you want the whoop to be big, awesome! Small? Go for it! Medium? Uh, I guess. Medium-small? Dude. Small-medium? Uh-oh. Medium-small-sorta-big? …You suck.

Speaking of whoops of varying sizes, the past 6 months of my life here in Japan has had its ups and downs. I’ve had a lot of cool moments, fo sho. But I’ve also had a bunch of crappy ones, too. Both kinda balance each other out. Y’know – gotta have some shitty moments to appreciate the special ones. And vice versa. It’s kinda like a bag of skittles; you gotta have a bunch of lame-ass flavors like lemon and orange to appreciate the real winners: grape and cherry. Hmm… Unless you buy the berry-only bag. CRAP. I just ruined my own analogy. Can I get a do-over? I can feel my whoop shrinking by the second. AHHHH!!

What I meant to say is this:

Whoop, there it is!

Just kidding. I have no idea where the whoop is. Nor do I know its size. I’m the worst whooper to have ever whooped, here or there. So, instead, I’m going to list my top 3 COOLEST and CRAPPIEST moments from my past 6 months here. Let’s get into it!

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OMG! I’m writing another blog? I AM writing another blog. AHH!

Pretty cool, right? I think so. I mean, it’s OK, I guess. Just a blog. Y’know – words. On the screen. Grouped together to form sentences. With… Punctuation…

Wow. I take back what I said earlier – this isn’t pretty cool, oh, no-no. Screw that! This is AMAZE. This is BALLZ. This is…

AMAZEBALLZ.

And you’re reading these ballz of amaze right now because words + sentences = grammar. Thanks, English language. Can you help me learn Japanese, plz? ありがとうございます!

Speaking of Japanese, did you know that English isn’t Japanese and Japanese isn’t English. It’s true. I know this because I made a communication compromise to live here. Just one of the many compromises I’ve made since I’ve arrived. You smell that? I farted. Just kidding. That’s gross. I actually think I smell the topic of my blog this week. Hold on… *sniff-sniff* No, I think I did fart. Oops – my bad.

But, weirdly enough, my fart DOES kinda smell my topic for this week: compromise. Let’s get into it!

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