Oh, hi! 👋🏼 So here’s the thing: I’m NEVER seen Game of Thrones nor read the books. But I hear it’s kinda popular with NERDS. And non-nerds who are secretly NERDS. Oh, and people who like boobs. Because, honestly, who DOESN’T like boobs (please don’t answer that – I don’t wanna know!). So since I’ve never seen it, I figured I’d give my brief impressions after each episode. Couple of quick caveats:

  • I ONLY watch this show when I’m either applying labels to my mailers or planning future mailers.
  • Because of the above, I’m sometimes only half paying attention

With that said, let’s get into it!


Episode 1:

  • Is this a prequel to the Predator? If so, awesome. Love this show already.
  • Wait, where did the dead bodies ago? I’m gonna guess… Magic?
  • Oh, boy – ice zombies. Bonus points if there’s zombie reindeers.
  • Behead # 1
  • I have no idea who the main dude is, so I’m gonna call him LOTR since he’s basically any human character in LOTR.
  • LOTR has, uh, how many sons? Condoms, people.
  • Little boy likes to climb. I bet that won’t be important.
  • Am I watching a medieval porno? Because I’m not complaining. Also: boobs.
  • Don’t know the dwarf’s name, so I’m gonna call him Horny Willow.
  • More boobs. Jesus.
  • Behead # 2. So, basically, this show is boobs and beheadings. That’s awesome name for a metal band: BOOBS AND BEHEADINGS!
  • Aww… Doggies! I bet they’re magic doggies. I’m calling it!
  • Why are people boning in Rapunzel’s tower? What the hell is going on?
  • Push a kid to his death? That wasn’t very smart. But neither is boning in Rapunzel’s tower. 0-2, Surfer Knight.

Episode 2: 

  • Wait, so the dragon eggs don’t work no more? I thought this show was about dragons! FALSE ADVERTISING!
  • Why does Eyeliner Ass never speak? And why don’t they show his dick? Boobs and butts are cool, but no dick? I’m calling it: DICK DISCRIMINATION.
  • Harry Potter Reject (HPR) is a jerk. And a pussy. Hunger Girl is great, though. If they select her for the Hunger Games, my money is SOOOO on her.
  • Loved Hunger Girl throwing HPR’s sword in the river. That’s something I would do. Metric ton of petty points for that.
  • Is the blonde girl getting sex lessons from the other woman supposed to be turn me on? Because it’s working. I still wanna see dick, though.
  • Wait, the kid didn’t die from that fall? Nor does he have a scratch? I call bullshit. Or magic. Magic bullshit? Sure.
  • Dude, they’re gonna kill the doggie? NOOOOO!!
  • Why are they always talking about winter coming? Get a goddamn calendar!

OK, that’s it for these episodes. Thanks for reading.