After the end of the season 3, this show can’t get worse, right? Oh, god – please don’t answer. Guess I’ll find out. Let’s get into it! 

Recap:

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Season 4, Episode 1:

  • Kinda a boring episode. Hard to recover after the insanity of the Red Wedding nonsense.
  • Second season opener in a row where Dragon Lady’s Dude Guard hilariously states the obvious, this time letting us know DRAGONS can’t be tamed. Wow! YOU DON’T SAY?
  • Not digging Surfer Knight’s haircut. He no longer looks like Sawyer from Lost. Fail.
  • HPR continues to be the jerkiest jerk that ever jerked. It’s comical at this point.
  • I was SOOOO confused about the Dragon Lady’s new Dude Hunk; what the hell happened? Had to look it up to find out they replaced the actor from last season. NOT A FAN. Last season’s actor had an awesome stoic-ness to him. New actor sucks. Fail.
  • So Not-Orlando-Bloom is TOTALLY FINE after getting shot with THREE arrows? Of course. OF COURSE.
  • What’s up with the Cannibal Baldies? Not a fan.
  • Hunger Girl-Boy and Ugly Knight are an awesome duo. MORE OF THEM, PLZ.

Episode 2:

  • Mental note: DON’T HAVE A WEDDING IN THE GoT UNIVERSE.
  • Speaking of, while I’m happy HPR finally died, I’m kinda bummed Hunger Girl-Boy didn’t do it. I was sooooo banking on that.
  • Looks like the Evil Incest Queen is taking the reigns of the jerkiest jerk that ever jerked.
  • Next on my “hope-they-die list” is the torture dude. Over him. Over the storyline. OVER IT.
  • Horny Willow better not die. I keep thinking there’s no way they’ll kill him, but then I remember all the other main characters that just randomly die. Shelf life on his show is stupid short.

Episode 3:

  • So I guess Goatee Guy killed HPR? Unless I’m wrong. Odds of that? High. Very high.
  • Wait… So HPR has a RANDOM BROTHER? Who JUST SO HAPPENS to appear IMMEDIATELY AFTER he dies? Did I miss something? Where has this dude been? I call bullshit!
  • Another thing I’m OVER in this show: incest. Incest rape? OVERLY over.
  • For a second, I thought Ugly Knight was gonna be a little good. Fooled again. Still like him based solely on the fact he’s helping my favorite character: Hunger Girl-Boy.
  • I wonder how Horny Willow is gonna get survive his trial. I’m starting to really dig him, so he better survive! Kill all the other randos, but save him.
  • Speaking of, his squire is rad. What a loyal dude. Good for him! Don’t die.
  • Already over Cannibal Baldies. Stop eating people, you weirdos!
  • Since the version I’m watching doesn’t translate Dragon Lady talk into English, I have no clue what she was yapping about to the people at the end nor why they shot collars to them. Maybe she’s promoting BDSM?

Episode 4:

  • Oh, so I guess Dragon Lady freed the slaves? So she can make them fight for her, right? So nice of her.
  • So Goatee Guy DID kill HPR? Or at least arranged it? With help Slutty Queen’s mom? I dunno, man. Too much to keep track of.
  • Speaking of Slutty Queen, her creepin’ on HPR’s little bro was all kinds of weird. Not digging that.
  • Not-Orlando-Bloom’s new fighter friend looks really familiar. Like, I know he’s been in previous episodes, but I legit don’t remember what he did or whose side he’s on.
  • Bum-legs gets immediately captured? Sounds like a Stark.
  • Ice Zombie King turns babies into Ice Zombies? Not cool, man. Not cool. Well, literal cool. But not cool cool.

Episode 5:

  • Oh, great – the boob-suckin’ boy and Milky Mom are back? Nooooooo!
  • Happy Bum-legs and the gang got away. I’m SICK of the raping/attempted to rapes. More clumsy Squire, plz.
  • That’s really all I have for this episode. Kinda just there.

Episode 6:

  • Storyline involving Fire Witch’s Dude Man? Don’t care.
  • I was sooooo pissed the torture dude didn’t die. PLEASE END THIS! PLEASE!
  • Also exciting? Watching Dragon Lady talk to people. So. Exciting.
  • The trial was the best part of the episode. Maybe that’s why they named this episode “Trial?” Hmm…
  • I love how “TRIAL BY COMBAT” is a thing. I wanna demand that for everything. You excuse me of not paying the rent, landlord? Well, I challenge you to TRIAL BY COMBAT.
  • Horny Willow was fantastic in this episode. That dude better combat his way to survival, because I’m running out of characters I like.

Episode 7:

  • Goatee Guy wins the award for the most “Ohhhh, snap!” moments in a single episode with 2: 1) Kissing LOTR’s daughter and 2) Push O’ Death
  • Hunger Girl-Boy continues to be awesome. Horny Willow should ask her to fight for him. I know I would.
  • Speaking of, there should rules against hiring the HULK to fight. That’s totally not fair.
  • I hope Bi Bro doesn’t get killed by the Hulk. I dig ’em.
  • Also digging the Squire/Lady Knight storyline. Pretty cool of the Baker Boy to make another wolf bread. Seriously, HOW DOES HE DO THAT? That shit is way more impressive than DRAGONS or DEMON BABIES.

Episode 8:

  • Ugh. Bi Bro’s Princess Bride impersonation cost him both his and life AND Horny Willow’s. Wha-whaaaaa.
  • I think that was the most brutal death so far. But the fact that I even need to question that shows you how screwed up this show is.
  • Goatee Guy is annoying.
  • I’m gonna be legit bummed if Horny Willow dies next episode. STOP KILLING ALL THE CHARACTERS I LIKE.

Episode 9:

  • Way to extend Horny Willow’s apparent death with wall drama. Ugh.
  • This was basically a crappier version of at the Battle at Helm’s Deep. With 100% less Gandalf.
  • So Not-Orlando-Bloom’s strategy is march to the main bad dude with no weapon? MAKES SENSE.

Episode 10:

  • Phew! Horny Willow survived. Can’t say the same for Ugly Knight. Kinda bummed about him (presumably) croaking; I really dug the dynamic of him and Hunger Girl-Boy. Speaking of…
  • Where is she going? I probably should know, but I’m an idiot.
  • Just looked it up. She’s going to visit DEATH GENI? HELLLLL YASSSSSSSS.
  • Bum Legs and crew fighting skeletons was pretty hokey. Little girl throwing magic fireballs? Maximum hokey.
  • Dragon Lady putting her babies in Dragon Timeout was kinda sad.
  • If Bum Legs does in fact FLY next season, they better license R. Kelly.

Well, that’s it. I guess this was a good season. They’re all blending together to me. But it’s looking the show is gonna get wackier and wackier now that they’re introducing all this mystical nonsense. I guess the eventual end game is everyone fighting the ice zombies? I dunno. Guess I’ll find out soon!