More than halfway through the show! Can’t wait to see who randomly dies and/or flies this season. Dying while flying would be pretty cool, too. Make it happen! Let’s get into it.



Season 5, Episode 1:

  • I love how Horny Willow grew a full beard crossing the ocean. In case the audience wasn’t aware time has passed.
  • So I guess Horny Willow is gonna join up with Dragon Lady? I’m cool with that.
  • Too bad Dragon Lady’s dragons aren’t cool with her. Typical dragons.
  • Those stones they put on the eyes of dead folk are nightmare fuel. Stop doing that!
  • Wildling leader is pretty dumb. Kneel or get burned alive. Hmm… Lemme think about that one. Kneel… Or get… BURNED ALIVE? I like the option where I don’t die a horrible death. Speaking of…
  • Nice of Not-Orlando-Bloom to Legolas his ass.

Episode 2:

  • DEATH GENIE!!!!!!! Soooooo happy he’s back. That dude RULES.
  • Lady Knight is way too stubborn. Just move on, girl! You’ll find another person to protect.
  • It’s kinda annoying I can’t read Dragon Lady’s foreign blabber, so I have no clue what’s going on in her scenes. JUST SPEAK ENGLISH, OK?
  • Did they just now introduce Evil Incest Queen’s random daughter? Just like they randomly introduced her other son? What’s up with all these random kids?
  • Not-Orlando-Bloom gives up becoming a noble to stay in storyline purgatory? Great choice, man. Great choice.

Episode 3:

  • Lot of dumbass decisions in this episode. LOTR’s daughter is all like, “I won’t marry the Torture Dude; he’s a dick!” A minute later, “Oh, OK!” Horny Willow is all like, “I need to go outside and get caught!” A few minutes, “Oh, shit – I got caught!” Ugh.
  • What’s Evil Incest Queen up to? Hard to keep track of all the scheming.
  • Not-Orlando-Bloom ain’t taking no shit his first day on the job. Good for him. Now chop off the head of your boring storyline.
  • Hunger Girl-Boy’s storyline is getting WEEEIRRRDDDD. But I’m still intrigued to learn more about the Death Genie and his Mission Impossible face swapping.
  • Lady Knight and Squire are the best new odd couple since Hunger Girl-Boy and Ugly Knight.
  • Cosplaying whores? That’s a first.

Episode 4:

  • Dude, not a fan of these weird-ass cult dudes. Let dudes bone other dudes. WHO CARES, DUDES?
  • Nice twist on Horny Willow’s capture. Although I wonder how Dragon Lady will react. Never mind; wondering is too much work.
  • I’m digging the all women fighter group. All they need is Lady Knight and Hunger Girl-boy to complete the badass women Voltron.
  • What is up with the mask dudes and why are they killing all of Dragon Lady’s guard dudes? I’m sure they’ve explained, but I’m WAY too dense to have picked it up.
  • Not-Orlando-Bloom immunity to Fire Witch’s boobs was almost as impressive as the kid throwing magic snowballs at the skeletons at the end of season 4. Speaking of…
  • We’re FOUR episodes in and we haven’t heard from Bum Legs and the Magic Tree gang? WTH!!

Episode 5:

  • Watching dragons eat people is fun. Wait, did I just write that? This show is corrupting me.
  • Oh, you like Not-Orland-Bloom mucking it up with the Wild Thangs? Good, ’cause you’re getting MOAR. Ugh.
  • I hope Torture Dude and his family die soon. Just over their family/storyline. Over LOTR’s daughter, too. Hunger Girl-Boy is the only Stark that matters.
  • What’s up with the lizard people and their mysterious contagious disease? Aren’t Ice Zombies enough?

Episode 6:

  • I’m. So. Over. Rape. Over it. Done. Just fucking kill the Torture Dude already.
  • Death Genie is a great lie detector. Tell a lie? Slap. Speaking of…
  • Hunger Girl-Boy’s storyline is really wacky, but I kinda like where it’s going. Better than TORTURE and RAPE.
  • Evil Incest Queen is proudly carrying the “Jerkiest Jerk” torch from HPR. She’s the worst.
  • I love how everyone got captured in this episode: Horny Willow, Voltron Girls, and Surfer Knight. Basically, everyone sucks.

Episode 7:

  • Oh, great – more rape. Seriously?
  • I wish someone would gift me a dwarf.
  • So I’m totally confused about who ratted out Evil Incest Queen. Off to Wikipedia I go!
  • Can we kill Torture Dude already? How many times do I have to type this. Hint: TOO MANY.
  • That woman really was beautiful. No joke! I dig women with short hair. Hubba-hubba.

Episode 8:

  • Dude, the Ice Zombies are waaaaaaay OP. Sure, they can die in 1 hit (with the special blade or whatever), but their sheer numbers is wack. They need to get nerfed stat.
  • I know I’ve said this before, but I gotta say it again: HOW THE HELL DOES THIS GO ON FOR THREE MORE SEASONS? Well, I guess fire is another weakness, so dragons?
  • Happy Horny Willow is safe (for now).
  • Happy Evil Incest Queen is still locked up (for now).
  • While I’m super intrigued with Hunger Girl-Boy’s storyline, it’s reaching the “uh, what the hell is going on?” point.

Episode 9:

  • Where do these masked dudes get these masks? They’re super fancy! I mean, it’s not like you can just buy them at Party City. Not buying it.
  • I thought there were 3 dragons? Where are the other 2? Just chillin’?
  • That old guard dude is an Olympic-level javelin thrower. Jesus.
  • Oh, also add CHILD PROSTITUTE to the things I NEVER NEED TO SEE AGIAN list. UGh.

Episode 10:

  • Wait… They killed Not-Orlando-Bloom? Say whaaa? WHY? I’ve said this before, but I’m forced to say it again: WHO ARE WE SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR ON THIS SHOW? Seriously. Are there any heroes left? All I can think of is Bum Legs. Speaking off…
  • Did they really go the ENTIRE season without 1 mention of Bum Legs and the magic tree people? That’s insane.
  • I love how they completely negated the emotional impact of Evil Incest Queen’s shame shuffle by introducing Franken-Knight. She goes from feeling humbled right back to evil mode almost instantly. Let it breathe, man!
  • Hunger Girl-Boy’s kill was Hit Girl levels of awesome. Shame she’s now blinded?
  • What else… Um… Dragon Lady got surrounded by people. Are they good guys? I don’t even know.
  • Um… Oh, that rando King died. Good. Who cares. Whatever.

The ending of this season kinda annoyed me. It seems like they’re just creating needless drama for the sake of being shocking or edgy. Of course, I have no idea where the show is going, so maybe it’ll all make sense in the end, but I like a show where I can actually root for someone who isn’t a massive dickhead. And they’ve blown their death wad way too early.