More than halfway through the show! Can’t wait to see who randomly dies and/or flies this season. Dying while flying would be pretty cool, too. Make it happen! Let’s get into it.
Recap:
- Late to Winter: Game of Thrones (Ep 1 & 2)
- Late to Winter: Game of Thrones Episode 3
- Late to Winter: Game of Thrones Ep 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 & 10
- Late to Winter: Season 2
- Late to Winter: Season 3
- Late to Winter: Season 4
Season 5, Episode 1:
- I love how Horny Willow grew a full beard crossing the ocean. In case the audience wasn’t aware time has passed.
- So I guess Horny Willow is gonna join up with Dragon Lady? I’m cool with that.
- Too bad Dragon Lady’s dragons aren’t cool with her. Typical dragons.
- Those stones they put on the eyes of dead folk are nightmare fuel. Stop doing that!
- Wildling leader is pretty dumb. Kneel or get burned alive. Hmm… Lemme think about that one. Kneel… Or get… BURNED ALIVE? I like the option where I don’t die a horrible death. Speaking of…
- Nice of Not-Orlando-Bloom to Legolas his ass.
Episode 2:
- DEATH GENIE!!!!!!! Soooooo happy he’s back. That dude RULES.
- Lady Knight is way too stubborn. Just move on, girl! You’ll find another person to protect.
- It’s kinda annoying I can’t read Dragon Lady’s foreign blabber, so I have no clue what’s going on in her scenes. JUST SPEAK ENGLISH, OK?
- Did they just now introduce Evil Incest Queen’s random daughter? Just like they randomly introduced her other son? What’s up with all these random kids?
- Not-Orlando-Bloom gives up becoming a noble to stay in storyline purgatory? Great choice, man. Great choice.
Episode 3:
- Lot of dumbass decisions in this episode. LOTR’s daughter is all like, “I won’t marry the Torture Dude; he’s a dick!” A minute later, “Oh, OK!” Horny Willow is all like, “I need to go outside and get caught!” A few minutes, “Oh, shit – I got caught!” Ugh.
- What’s Evil Incest Queen up to? Hard to keep track of all the scheming.
- Not-Orlando-Bloom ain’t taking no shit his first day on the job. Good for him. Now chop off the head of your boring storyline.
- Hunger Girl-Boy’s storyline is getting WEEEIRRRDDDD. But I’m still intrigued to learn more about the Death Genie and his Mission Impossible face swapping.
- Lady Knight and Squire are the best new odd couple since Hunger Girl-Boy and Ugly Knight.
- Cosplaying whores? That’s a first.
Episode 4:
- Dude, not a fan of these weird-ass cult dudes. Let dudes bone other dudes. WHO CARES, DUDES?
- Nice twist on Horny Willow’s capture. Although I wonder how Dragon Lady will react. Never mind; wondering is too much work.
- I’m digging the all women fighter group. All they need is Lady Knight and Hunger Girl-boy to complete the badass women Voltron.
- What is up with the mask dudes and why are they killing all of Dragon Lady’s guard dudes? I’m sure they’ve explained, but I’m WAY too dense to have picked it up.
- Not-Orlando-Bloom immunity to Fire Witch’s boobs was almost as impressive as the kid throwing magic snowballs at the skeletons at the end of season 4. Speaking of…
- We’re FOUR episodes in and we haven’t heard from Bum Legs and the Magic Tree gang? WTH!!
Episode 5:
- Watching dragons eat people is fun. Wait, did I just write that? This show is corrupting me.
- Oh, you like Not-Orland-Bloom mucking it up with the Wild Thangs? Good, ’cause you’re getting MOAR. Ugh.
- I hope Torture Dude and his family die soon. Just over their family/storyline. Over LOTR’s daughter, too. Hunger Girl-Boy is the only Stark that matters.
- What’s up with the lizard people and their mysterious contagious disease? Aren’t Ice Zombies enough?
Episode 6:
- I’m. So. Over. Rape. Over it. Done. Just fucking kill the Torture Dude already.
- Death Genie is a great lie detector. Tell a lie? Slap. Speaking of…
- Hunger Girl-Boy’s storyline is really wacky, but I kinda like where it’s going. Better than TORTURE and RAPE.
- Evil Incest Queen is proudly carrying the “Jerkiest Jerk” torch from HPR. She’s the worst.
- I love how everyone got captured in this episode: Horny Willow, Voltron Girls, and Surfer Knight. Basically, everyone sucks.
Episode 7:
- Oh, great – more rape. Seriously?
- I wish someone would gift me a dwarf.
- So I’m totally confused about who ratted out Evil Incest Queen. Off to Wikipedia I go!
- Can we kill Torture Dude already? How many times do I have to type this. Hint: TOO MANY.
- That woman really was beautiful. No joke! I dig women with short hair. Hubba-hubba.
Episode 8:
- Dude, the Ice Zombies are waaaaaaay OP. Sure, they can die in 1 hit (with the special blade or whatever), but their sheer numbers is wack. They need to get nerfed stat.
- I know I’ve said this before, but I gotta say it again: HOW THE HELL DOES THIS GO ON FOR THREE MORE SEASONS? Well, I guess fire is another weakness, so dragons?
- Happy Horny Willow is safe (for now).
- Happy Evil Incest Queen is still locked up (for now).
- While I’m super intrigued with Hunger Girl-Boy’s storyline, it’s reaching the “uh, what the hell is going on?” point.
- WHERE IS BUM LEGS AND THE MAGIC TREE PEOPLE?
Episode 9:
- Where do these masked dudes get these masks? They’re super fancy! I mean, it’s not like you can just buy them at Party City. Not buying it.
- Add CHILD SACRIFICE to the things I NEVER NEED TO SEE AGAIN list.
- I thought there were 3 dragons? Where are the other 2? Just chillin’?
- That old guard dude is an Olympic-level javelin thrower. Jesus.
- Oh, also add CHILD PROSTITUTE to the things I NEVER NEED TO SEE AGIAN list. UGh.
- WHERE IS BUM LEGS AND THE MAGIC TREE PEOPLE?
Episode 10:
- Wait… They killed Not-Orlando-Bloom? Say whaaa? WHY? I’ve said this before, but I’m forced to say it again: WHO ARE WE SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR ON THIS SHOW? Seriously. Are there any heroes left? All I can think of is Bum Legs. Speaking off…
- Did they really go the ENTIRE season without 1 mention of Bum Legs and the magic tree people? That’s insane.
- I love how they completely negated the emotional impact of Evil Incest Queen’s shame shuffle by introducing Franken-Knight. She goes from feeling humbled right back to evil mode almost instantly. Let it breathe, man!
- Hunger Girl-Boy’s kill was Hit Girl levels of awesome. Shame she’s now blinded?
- What else… Um… Dragon Lady got surrounded by people. Are they good guys? I don’t even know.
- Um… Oh, that rando King died. Good. Who cares. Whatever.
The ending of this season kinda annoyed me. It seems like they’re just creating needless drama for the sake of being shocking or edgy. Of course, I have no idea where the show is going, so maybe it’ll all make sense in the end, but I like a show where I can actually root for someone who isn’t a massive dickhead. And they’ve blown their death wad way too early.
Nihon Nerd 
Another season in which Evil prevails over Good. Over it.
Happy with Death Genie coming back, but his storyline with Hunger Girl is a little weird. Can’t wait to see how it progresses into the next season.
Sansa marrying Ramsay (Torture Dude) was more than awkward. Surprised she is so easily manipulated. Wish she would get a backbone. Theon Greyjoy needs one too. Imagine being forced into an arranged marriage or sold off to the highest bidder for an alliance. No thanks.
Lady Knight and the Squire’s storyline is interesting. I like how Lady Knight avenged the death of Renley by killing Stannis. I’m only disappointed that the Fire Witch didn’t meet a similar fate.
Speaking of Stannis, it was surprising that he would allow his daughter to be burned alive at the stake. Obviously, at this point he started to lose his marbles. Why else would he try to attack the Bolton’s with a limited sized army?
Did not like the Voltron group. The religious cult dudes. Or the masked dudes.
It was weird that Bum Legs and his friends were not in this season. Although, I don’t like Bum Legs.
Also missing, Bum Legs brother Rickon (who went off with the wildling woman Osha). Gendry.
Myrcella’s death not too surprising. But to be poisoned by a kiss.
The Ice Zombies are a little creepy. Maybe they are end game? After all, they are the only ones who seem to work together without turning on each other.
I’m undecided on the whole “Frankenstein” element. GoT had a Mad King . . . so I guess it’s only appropriate they now have a Mad Scientist.
Not-Orlando-Bloom’s death not to surprising or shocking. It is another climactic moment . . . hope this time they follow it up with something substantial.
Game of Thrones is a little too much for me. It is at the point where it’s unbelievable. Even for a fantasy.
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Yeah, it’s like they’re following the Empire logic of having the season end with a downer, only we’re still waiting for that teddy bears celebrating in the forest moment.
I kinda love and hate Hunger Girl-Boy’s storyline. Sometimes it’s slow and plodding, but then it gets really awesome and interesting. I’m a few episodes into season 6 now and I’m digging it a lot more.
Torture Dude is the worst. Over him.
Fire Witch brought back Not-Orlando-Bloom, so I’m cool with her and her boobs.
Lady Voltron are awesome! But I agree the masks and cult folk suck.
I don’t know what to think about Bum Legs because they HARDLY EVER SHOW HIM. But I’m seeing more of him in the next season.
I just ended an episode where they were brought to Torture Dude. Literal, “Ughhhh” from me.
Ice Zombies are totally end game. Everyone has to band together to fight them. It’s the only think that makes sense, as I imagine the drama will be everyone putting aside their differences to fight the larger threat (basically the wild folk storyline amplified).
Franken-Knight is comically stupid. But I kinda like it for that reason.
Honestly, I still think the most unbelievable thing in this show is the fat kid baking that masterful wolf bread. Come on! There’s no way he could have done that.
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